Well, the time has come. I’ve decided to start weaning my little guy from breastfeeding. It’s not that I don’t enjoy it, I actually do. I’m just so done with pumping. I’m done with hauling my pump everywhere, always wearing a pumping bra, and feeling like a cow being milked 4 times a day.
Since starting work again this week, the time has come. While pumping at home isn’t the worst thing in the world, pumping at work is. It’s terrible. I’m constantly worried that someone will unlock my room while I’m pumping (it’s happened before and yes, I had a sign on my locked door). I’m also tired of rushing through my 30 minute lunch break to make sure I have enough time to pump.
But stopping pumping sessions means my milk supply will slowly dry up, which means breastfeeding will soon come to an end.
The decision feels bittersweet. Honestly, I’m pretty damn proud of myself for having done it for nine months – especially while teaching for half of that time. I’m also happy it’s my decision to stop. Is it pathetic that it feels better knowing it’s MY decision to stop? I feel better because it’s not Collin pushing me away or that I’m not able to produce enough. Either way, I don’t care. I’m happy it’s 100% my decision and that makes me 100% content with my decision.
I’ve started this school year with a need to focus more on my students and my actual job – teaching! The end of last year was so hectic and exhausting with welcoming Collin into the world, being sick every few weeks, and learning how to be a mom to two kids under two, I felt slightly broken. Truthfully, it was the hardest 9 months of my life. And it definitely affected my teaching in a negative way. My thoughts at school were all about when I would pump next or when I could leave school so I could feed Collin. They were not about who and what I was teaching. But you know what? That’s okay. In that moment, that’s what I needed in my life. I needed to focus on my boys.
But now that they’re a bit older and I’m a bit better at juggling the shit show of my life, I want and need this school year to focus on educating 6th graders. So, with that said, while it’ll take a month or so to completely wean Collin, my breastfeeding days are a thing of the past.
Man, it feels good to say that.